Tales From The Break Room
by sugarfrosted
Summary: Peter, Hesam, and their fellow paramedics share stories from on the job. Rated T for foul-mouthed paramedics.


I'm really fond of Peter's scenes at work doing his job or talking to his co-workers. So, here's Peter and some of the paramedics talking about the things they've seen on the job. A sort of sequel to After Houlihan's. Most of the scenarios are probably real, given that they were taken directly from Texts From Last Night, and embellished for the funny because paramedics just like to tell tall stories.

Heroes belongs to Tim Kring, no copyright infringement intended.

all errors are mine.

* * *

Once the vending machine finished pouring his coffee, Peter took his drink and sat back on the couch with a heavy sigh. It had been a long night of transporting patients to the emergency room and he had another hour or so before his next shift started.

He was engrossed in a novel that he had stolen from Sylar's cell when the latter wasn't looking when Hesam and Nick walked into the break room.

"Yo, Pete," Nick greeted him as he and Hesam made a beeline for the coffee machine. Hesam gave Peter a friendly nod as he had a bagel in his mouth. "Man, it was busy tonight!" Nick said he plopped down on a chair by the table. "Too many college students tonight."

Peter nodded as he put away the book and replied, "Tell me about it, man. My calls are getting weirder and weirder."

Hesam scoffed as he polished off his bagel and coffee as he sat down on the sofa behind Nick. "Nah, can't be. Ours have been pretty run of the mill. You sure you're not imagining things, Pete?"

Peter gave him a look. "Dude, remember six months ago? Cass and Marsh had to come along, too."

Hesam looked a little confused as he searched his memory, when comprehension dawned on him. "Oh yeah, the little people call," he said as the memory came back to him. "It was a nasty fight, too. I've been at this job for 15 years and I don't recall anything that nasty. Man, they were wrecked."

"Dude, a midget fight?" Nick look at Hesam in awe.

"Little people, and yeah," Hesam replied. "There was broken glass, blood, and some broken limbs. Norm, Cass, and me brought one in while Marsh, Charlie, and Pete brought the other in. The hospital had to keep them separated, because they were also wasted as fuck and were looking to keep the fight up."

"So why six?" Nick asked.

"Our guy was shorter and meaner," Hesam added. "Norm thought it would be safer to call Cass and Marsh along because dispatch said it was really bad. Guy tried to get out of the straps and fought Norm and Cass all the way to the hospital."

"Which was no problem for Cass because he wrestled in college," Peter chimed in. "And since he and Marsh were nearby, they got called along, and it was a good thing because our guy tried to bite through the straps and managed to kick Marsh in the arm. Don't know what happened after they were brought in and separated though."

"Cops probably took care of it," Hesam said he took a drink of his second coffee. "You got any stories to top that, Pete?"

Peter gave a modest shrug and replied. "Don't think so, but tonight was fork jousting and unicorn hunting night." A dead silence permeated the room as Nick and Hesam stared at him.

"What the hell is fork jousting?" Nick said after a minute. Then he added, "Never mind, I feel like I don't want to know."

Peter only nodded in agreement, as he rubbed the bridge of his nose as the night's events played back in his memory. "Got a call with James tonight for a frat house near Columbia. Turns out the fork jousting is exactly what you imagined, plus frat guys. Three hours later, we were in Queens cutting a guy loose from a chain link fence. He called himself a 'unicorn hunter' who got himself tangled and bleeding in the fence." He made air quotes for emphasis.

Nick made a face. "Jeez, and the worst ones I've had so far were car accidents and some alcohol poisoning."

Hesam slapped him on the back. "Don't worry, kid. You'll get used to those real quick the longer you're on the job and shit like that happens all the time. But seriously, the best ones are usually just people sober and thinking poorly. "

Peter shook his head and chuckled. "This one guy I brought in high-fived his friends when I wheeled him out of the bar. He was bleeding pretty badly, but still had enough in him to high five his buddies."

"What happened?"

Peter sighed. "Guy snuck into the bar kitchen and then got into a fistfight over the merits of _The Hunger Games_. He landed into several tables and pitchers." Hesam and Nick laugh as he shakes his head. "Guys, remind me to stay away from Fireball the next time we go out."

Hesam slapped him in the shoulder. "Replace Fireball with 151 and I'm with you, buddy." Nick was about to add in his two cents when their collective walkie-talkies went off.

"Roger that," Hesam answered as they got up and he picked up his jacket before refilling his coffee cup. "Jackson's on his way over to the bay right now."

"Back to the grind, dawg," Nick grinned as he stretched out his arms and hiked up his pants. "Another night, another accident."

* * *

"Dude." Nick said with a big grin when he and Norman walked into the break room the next day. "I finally get have a weird work story!"

Norman chuckled as he clapped Nick in the shoulder. "Kid, you stay in the field long enough like me and Hes, you'll have to plenty to talk about."

Peter and Hesam raised their coffees in a jaunty toast. "Here, here," Hesam added. " So, what'd you see?"

"Frat boys, jungle juice, and a merry-go-round." Nick beamed as Norman nodded in agreement. "Didn't realize one of those could hold so many drunk guys. And could hurt them too."

Peter chuckled as he shook his head. He'll save his jungle gym story for another day. "Should have figured jungle juice would have played a role. You shouldn't be able to get hurt on one."

"Unless you're stupid enough to let go," Norman added. "How'd your night go, guys?"

Peter and Hesam looked at each other with a "you or me?" look and then to Norman and Nick. Peter then replied with all seriousness, "It was majestic."

"Seriously majestic," Hesam echoed.

Nick and Norman gave them a look before sitting down at the table with them. "This better be good, Petrelli," Norman said.

Peter looked away, unable to contain the smirk on his face and jabbed his elbow into Hesam's side. "Dude, you're better at this than me."

Hesam jabbed him back. "Pussy," he replied affectionately. "Okay, so me and Pete get down to West 14th, right? Typical drunk art students and shit, right? We get there and there's a group of them dressed like…" He turns to Peter. "Help me out here, man."

Peter struggles to find an appropriate word. "Like…shapes. Or something. They smelled like weed and had empty Fireball bottles."

"Fucking Fireball," Nick mutters.

Hesam coughs. "ANYWAY…we get there and they were...they were…" Clearly struggling to describe the scene they saw last night, he turned to Peter again. "You're the RN here. You know your anatomy better than me."

"And you call yourself a paramedic," Peter rolls his eyes before taking a deep breath. "They were re-enacting a rectal prolapse." There was a dead silence in the room for a solid minute before Norman broke into a loud and hysterical barking laughter, his deep laugh ringing in the room, causing the other three to break into laughter as well.

"What in the sweet fuck," Norman said after he caught his breath. "Goddamn."

Peter and Hesam just shook their heads. "One of them was filming it and called it 'majestic' the whole time," Peter continued. "The reason we got called there was that some of them got hurt doing 'LARPing' or whatever they called it. Fake weapons and alcohol...you know how that's gonna turn out."

"Art students," Nick commented. "Damn, that's a fucking doozy."

"Excuse you, a _majestic_ doozy," Hesam replied and then held up his coffee again in a toast. "God bless New York." The others raised their cups in agreement and finished off their coffees.


End file.
